Monday, September 29, 2008

Commanded to Create


Sitting in womens conference on Saturday, I was taking notes on President Uchdorfs talk, and realized he was giving me my subject matter for today.

As I sat there with my daughters, surrounded by sisters in the gospel, I felt that we were witnessing a moment in history. Much was said in the session about the beginning of the Relief Society and the mission of our organization -- but what struck me the most was the talk of President Uchtdorf.

He reminded us that we were created by a loving father, and that we had those seeds of creation within us. It is our God given gift, and responsibility to create. We are able to emulate the love and gifts of our Father in creating things or moments of beauty and joy. "We each have an inherent wish to create something that wasn't there before. This brings about deep satisfaction."

I was astounded, having written along these lines in former blogs. It was the most amazing moment, and I was feverishly writing as fast as my fingers could move.

He (Pres. Uchtdorf) insisted that we each had talents and abilities -- gifts from a loving father. He was anxious that we didn't let discouragement and doubt cloud our abilities and vision. If we are unsure of what talents and gifts we have, we should start small.

"How many smiles can you create?" How much laughter, peace or contentment?

He quoted Brigham Young who made a statement about beautifying our homes, lands and then our minds. That when we did this, we not only improved the world around us, but what is inside as well.

Have you ever thought about what acts of service do for you? I try very hard not to mention my acts of service, because I want them to be honest and for the right reasons. I have to almost bite my tongue sometimes because I get wrapped up in being proud of being able to serve. I am thankful for the opportunities that come up, and wish there were more. I know that part of it is being receptive to the spirit, and I'm working on that.



But back to President Uchtdorf. If you have long wondered what you could do to contribute to society, long felt you had no obvious talent like art or music or dance -- you need to explore the choices out there. You need to discover what your talent for beauty is.

Can you bring joy to a child? Sew clothing for the poor and needy? Visit those who are lonely? Keep your home running smoothly and peacefully?

Not all art is visible or tangible. Not all talents are either.



Heavenly Father desires us to be happy, to find happiness. His entire goal is eternal happiness for each of His children. President Uchtdorf insisted that "Happiness is your heritage." I'm sure Heavenly Father is anxious we find that happiness in everything we do.

Reach out to those around you. Find the spark of creation within you. The beauty and wonder of what you are capable of will be amazing.

Return to the Neighborhood.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Age Makes Everything Beautiful


In the days leading to my birthday, I've realized that I view things quite differently now than I did in my youth. In some ways, I am more critical and harder to please with what I consider art or pleasing to the eye. In some ways I find I like things simple and easy...unfortunately the two do not always coincide.

If you ask a child what they think is pretty, they'll tell you the new bike they got, the new doll with the shinny hair, the party dress from grandma, the cool skateboard for a birthday -- things that are not necessarily what older children would list. Some of the even smaller children might mention butterflies, birds, flowers or a rainbow.



As I've mentioned before, what is beauty and art to one, is not always the same to someone else. This is the same with age.

When we're young, we think nothing of time as it goes by. Usually we're agonizing over how slowly it seems to move -- especially when we're waiting for Christmas or a birthday. As we grow older, it takes forever for a date night to come, or a boyfriend to come back from a mission. After we've gotten married, suddenly time seems to speed up. When you have children, it starts to go even faster.

All the days till Christmas are suddenly less than ever before when there are presents for those darlings. As they age, the hour hand seems to speed up even more, until suddenly you find yourself at their high school graduation, mission farewell, or (gasp) wedding. Where did the time go?



Things come to take on a whole different meaning. 'Things' no longer seem as important as they were -- and are not seen in the same light. What was beauty at 16, is generally not what is considered so at 26 or 30. Definitely a different thought when in the 50's.

Moments in time become art.

Brief stints of time spent with a loved one, a grandchild just born or learning to walk; a dear friend who has been gone a while, out in nature with the birds and flowers -- in the Temple of the Lord with the spirit present. Those are the things we begin to see as beauty and art in the world around us. We come to treasure them far more than earthly things that will fade away and not go with us when we leave.

While there are still 'things' that I treasure; a teapot from China (a gift from my sister), a painted china plate (painted by my husbands favorite grandmother), a wooden 'MOM' done by my son in first/second grade, my wedding ring -- none of them stand up to the treasure of my family.



I am so very blessed.



All the world is a gift of beauty and life. It just depends on the view of those seeing it. What is your view?

Return to the Neighborhood

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

And We Thought it Was Bad...


I had to laugh so hard when we were in Colorado on our way to our son's graduation. We saw this sign and just had to turn around and take a picture.

Gas wasn't the most expensive there during our trip, but obviously someone wanted to make a statement. What was really surprising, is that most of the expensive stuff was on the east side of the state going into Colorado and most of that state. We were totally overjoyed when we got to Oklahoma and it was less than $3.50!

Of course then Hurricane Ike was coming through and there was a panic about the oil rigs and refineries and gas rose 20 cents over night. sigh. It never fails...you wait till morning to get gas and the price goes up. You stop and get it that night thinking you've got a great deal, and they've lowered it the next morning.

Murphy loves gas prices.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Ode to Don Quixote


They rose up like specters out of the floor of the prairie. It was an unreality suddenly outside our car windows, and we couldn't get enough of them.

Sure, in Utah, we've seen the big windmills down by Thanksgiving Point. But this was a whole field of them. Possibly hundreds of them -- in the middle of no where. It's kind of hard to see them in the first photo because they were so far away and the blades tend to blend into the skyline.



It brought to mind the story of Don Quixote and his insanity of tilting at Windmills. But these were a whole different story. Seeing these large concrete columns with their large wheels was something out of a science fiction novel. They were futuristic looking, and I couldn't help but think about their artistic look. It was almost like something you'd see on the cover of a book.



Our first clue that these were going to come up on the horizon should have been the large blades resting on the back of semi trucks driving past. At first I couldn't figure out what they were. Then when we saw them in the distance, it clicked in my brain. "Those are windmill blades!" I told my husband as another truck went by.

Sure enough, as we got closer to the large field of windmills, it was clear that the blades were the same as we'd seen on the trucks. It was mind boggling, the size of them. Considering that a blade was easily 30 feet long, and the towers were twice that size...

They are smooth, modern bits of technology that capture the wind and turn it into energy. Kind of like the idea behind a dam with water -- only far more aesthetic than a dam would be. The old time windmills were romantic, houses with the blades attached. These ones, are pure form.

Reminiscent to what I was talking about last week with the question of art -- What is art to one, is not necessarily the same to another. These would probably not be considered art to many people, but I think they are stunning.

Once again technology and machine have devised a form that is pleasing to the eye as well as useful and efficient. It reminds me of Newton's Daydream, only less cluttered. Kind of like sketching the human body in simple form, without outlining the muscles. Art.

It's amazing.

Return to the Neighbhorhood

Friday, September 19, 2008

What is Art?


I figured, since I wasn't terribly inspired this past week (what with being busy visiting my son in Oklahoma), I would look up the definition of art on the web. Wikipedia says this in the first paragraph:

"Art refers to a diverse range of human activities, creations, and expressions that are appealing to the senses or emotions of a human individual. The word "art" may be used to cover all or any of the arts, including music, literature and other forms. It is most often used to refer specifically to the visual arts, including media such as painting, sculpture, and printmaking. However it can also be applied to forms of art that stimulate the other senses, such as music, an auditory art. Aesthetics is the branch of philosophy which considers art."

Okay...I guess that's about as general as you can get. However, I thought this seemed a deeper look into the mediums:

"Visual art is defined as the arrangement of colors, forms, or other elements "in a manner that affects the sense of beauty, specifically the production of the beautiful in a graphic or plastic medium". The nature of art has been described by Wollheim as "one of the most elusive of the traditional problems of human culture"."

I would never have considered it a problem, I have always thought of it as a gift. However, I suppose if someone were trying to define or contain the expressions of 'art', that's where you would run into trouble. I think creativity, or art, has always had it's way, even while being suppressed by a government. It simply must come forth -- it is a way our spirits thrive and grow and express themselves in mortal form.

Whenever such things are debated among the 'intellectuals', I'm sure they are going only by what such viewings make them feel. After all, art is all in how something makes us feel -- we like it or we hate it, we could leave it alone, or we must have it; as some of the worlds renown collectors have done.

Many would say the painting above by Mary Cassatt is art in it's true form. Others would argue it was too controlled, too formal, whereas abstractism would be art in a truer form.



I remember when watching the Olympics Opening Ceremonies, and they had a scene where people were using themselves as paint brushes to create a work of art. The announcer informed us that the Chinese feel all art comes from within, that no piece would be the same because no one is the same inside.

I thought, wow. If we all felt that way, our schools would be a little different. The way art is taught in school is all about copying. You must copy what you see -- try to make your effort the same as what is before you. Many times, it's what the instructor has done, or is requiring you to do. In drawing where you must draw a human figure, that is -- of course -- going to be the same because it's the human body. But if someone wanted to but an abstract view to it, their grade might vary from someone else who drew it true to form.

In many ways I felt this expression opened doors in my mind -- freed me from the constraints of society, or what I felt was being put on me by my own view of what art should be. (I think I'm a little twisted, but that's for another time...grin)

Be that as it may -- I still feel chained to what I see in my head as reality when I sit down in front of a canvas. It's as if I just can't break free and end up painting the same thing I always do. I can't seem to draw or paint from my imagination. I have to see the reality before I can transmit it.



Artists who are able to draw what is in their heads and have it come out like they want on paper are amazing to me. I know part of it is training and practice, but I think a great deal of it is inherent talent.

That's what art is to me. What is art to you?

Return to the Neighborhood

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

He's off to Virginia...



Well, graduation was so much fun, I can't believe how quickly the time went. We drove out there on Tuesday night, stopping in Colorado, and got there Wednesday night at about 2:30 am...ugh!! It was a short night. Family started at 8:30, so we were up and going as soon as we could manage it.



We got good seats, and it was fun watching all the demonstrations. Especially the PT stuff. They did one legged push ups!! Then we got him for the rest of the day and we went to lunch and stuff. It was great.



Graduation was in the afternoon on Friday, so we got a little more rest -- though I don't sleep well in hotels, so ya know how that went. It was also humid and hot (although at least we had cloud cover) so the AC was on all night, and it was loud. sigh. Anyway -- graduation was inside a theater, and it was air conditioned, so it was really nice. He looked so good!



It was a neat program and everyone was taking pictures. I got one of him coming down the aisle, and he was as stone faced as ever. I asked him why he didn't smile, and he said they were told not to. Rigghhhtt..I saw lots of them smiling.

After graduation, when they were all in formation getting ready to go off base, one of the privates gave a drill sargent a bad time and said he was a liar, so he made all the guys do push ups in their uniforms...it was way cool to watch...grin.



Anyway, We got to spend the rest of the day with him and one of his unit members that didn't have any parents come (they couldn't afford it). That was fun -- we totally missed dinner though because everywhere was so crowded we couldn't get food and get them back to base in time.

Saturday he got a full day pass, so we got to play around with him more. The kids all went swimming in the pool. I didn't bring the camera out for that one, but we have lots of video! It was really fun. Then we went and picked up another private who's wife and parents had to leave early and he spent the rest of the time with us. We all went to dinner (at golden corral, twice in one week...I'm tired of steak) and then we helped them get their laptops going and then had to run them back to base. They barely made it on time.

He flew out to Chicago (they had to circle the hurricane) and then to Fort Lee. Sigh. It was almost harder having to say good bye to him this time. I've been more emotional now than I was then. Someone else commented that it's almost a tease...here he is, but you don't get to keep him. sigh.

I have a good friend who has two sons that have gone through this and are getting ready to ship out on active duty. I don't know how she's held herself together, and I know she's going to need more emotional support when they go...man do I understand a little more now.

But I'm still proud of him.



Now we bide our time till about Thanksgiving...then we get him till his mission!! sigh. I'm wondering how I'll react to that now...

Monday, September 15, 2008

Grandma's Pride


Have you ever noticed that there is no one more proud of a child's abilities or accomplishment's than a grandmother? I work with several women who have multiple grandchildren, and the other day one was telling us a story about taking her daughter and family to a play.

After the play they went to a restaurant, and the grandchild had to draw grandma a picture. She only had a napkin, she she drew it on the napkin and signed the back of it. This woman couldn't be more pleased. She taped it up in front of her desk, after showing all of us of course.

Reminds me of when the children came home from school with art projects and we would tape them up on the fridge, or the bulletin board so that everyone could see how wonderful they did. I don't think I was ever that impressed with my children's efforts (I know, I'm really a terrible mother) until my youngest came home with a painting he'd done of Van Gogh's sunflowers. I was so excited! I bragged about it to the whole family. I wanted to have it framed, actually. I thought he'd done an amazing job. He has done a couple of other pieces since then, but only for school, and has shown no interest at home.

It's driving me crazy. I tried to get him to do something for the fair this year, but he just wanted to make something out of Legos.

Just think of what this world would be like if there weren't mother's and grandmother's out there to encourage the artistic talents of children? If it were up to father's, they'd say: "oh, that's nice, son." and that would be the end of it. The son would stick it on the fridge with a magnet, and then nothing more would ever be said. (of course, without moms and grandmothers, how would there be a child in the first place??? hmmmm)

It's a good thing we are proud of our children and their efforts. Where would the next master come from? He would be another tortured and bitter individual who was totally mixed up and took his own life...oh, I guess that's already happened. That's why I think it's wonderful that parents and grandparents are vocal in their praise of the efforts of the young. Perhaps we'll avoid more of this tragic artistic story.

So...how many pictures do you have on your fridge?


Return to the Neighborhood

Friday, September 12, 2008

Arts and Crafts


Several months ago I was called to be the Cub Committee Chairman. Until that time, I'd lived in ignorant bliss in all things cub or scout. I have 4 boys, so yes, I'd had some exposure, but let me say the first time I went to a pack meeting and they did cheers, I wondered if I had wandered into some alternate dimension. Who were these people and what were my sons going to be exposed to?

12 years later, I was little more informed, but not much. I'd had no idea there was such a calling. My hubby had been called to be the Scout Committee Chair about two years before, and I was amazed at the stuff he did and the inner workings of the Scout organization within the church.

Now suddenly I've been thrust into a world of little boys who know the strange little cheers by heart, love to make burping sounds, and think making fires is the greatest activity in the world. I'm not a grandmother yet!

Well, since our Cub Master is usually out of town over our Pack meeting nights (conveniently -- I might add) I have been left to run them without him, having never done this before in my LIFE! The first one was okay, but hilarious because we did water stuff. What can go wrong with water? The hose was a bigger hit than the small wading pools, but only just.

This last meeting I was in charge of, was about s'mores. (Cub Scouts, for those who are like me and had no idea -- have themes each month to help with den and pack meetings.) Basically, it was all the fun you have in summer.

Two of our new cub mothers decided this was the perfect time to have them cross off some activities in their cub books about building and putting out fires. One of the Primary presidency has a fire pit in their back yard, so she was volunteered to have the meeting at her house. Since they also have a pool, she suggested swimming be part of it as well.

Then there was the crafts part. Now, I'm thinking boy's aren't really into crafts. I mean, my boys weren't -- at least at home. So I'm thinking, the least amount of effort to put together our craft, the better -- if they even wanted to participate when there was swimming, games, a trampoline and did I mention the fire pit? The two mother's had the boys get the fire going before we actually started the meeting so that it would be burned down sufficiently to make real s'mores after swimming. This was the boy's first fire...

I've decided that there is an art to building a good fire, and with enough guidance and effort, anyone can made a good one. These kids had a huge fire going within 10 minutes, using enough newspaper to singe the edges of the dead grass that lined the pit. The member who's home we were using, carefully pointed out that using too much paper makes the big pieces of soot in the air -- but no one listened to her, I was watching. One boy even tried to point out to her the logic of their building -- It cracked me up.

Anyway -- the craft part was making s'mores to hold their kerchiefs in place. They were made out of foam with cotton balls and supposedly little rings of pipe. Well, being a procrastinator, I never found the pipe. What I did discover, was that foam makes good rings with a staple. You just have to find the right size stapler, or the loop is too big.

I enlisted my adult daughters to help cut out all the various foam squares so we had 'crackers' and 'chocolate', and then I dotted the crackers so they looked a little more real. The instructions called for a glue gun, but we were afraid it would melt the foam so we tried alternatives like glue sticks, but they didn't work on the foam to foam.

I ended up stapling the bottom 'cracker' to the ring while the kids ran to another mom who monitored the glue gun (I gave in -- there was no way it was going to work otherwise) to glue the 'chocolate' to the 'cracker' and then come back to glue stick the cotton balls to the 'chocolate' and 'cracker'. The glue stick actually worked well with the cotton balls...I was surprised. When they were finished, they looked just like the picture.

What really surprised me was how many of the boys wanted to make one! One of the older boys even wanted to take one home to make because he'd been too busy swimming. He told me he'd already made one before, but it had gotten lost and wanted to make another one.

I guess boy's do like crafts after all.

The boy who had pointed out the merits of paper in the fire volunteered to take the leftover's home so that his brothers and sisters could each make one. I'm sure his mom was thrilled...grin.

I don't think crafts are going to be an integral part of pack meeting, but at least now I know they'll do it when presented with the choice.

Life never ceases to amaze.

Return to the Neighborhood.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

I Haven't Forgotten

I'm on the road, but I wanted to make note of the day. I think it's significant that my son is graduating from basic training tomorrow, 7 years after 9/11. This is a day not to forget, but I didn't see many who remembered today.

I am proud that my son has been willing to take these steps and to grow and mature in this service to his country.

Oklahoma feels like Hawaii--which is funny. I'm way glad we have air conditioning!!!

I just wish the beds were softer. I'll have fun pictures to show later.

Monday, September 08, 2008

The Art of Giftwrap


I attended a wedding shower over the weekend, and it was full of women, friendly chatter, yummy food and opening presents. I guess the whole games thing has gone by the way, which is okay by me -- we had enough fun just chatting. But what was fun were the presents! One of them, made up by my sister, was a large wok full of fun kitchen utensils. Only, instead of wrapping the whole thing up in paper, she took two different colors of tissue and stuck them in between the different things so it looked like a crazy pot of color. It was great.

Many people I know feel that gifts are a waste of time. Or at least gift wrapping is -- but I love the look of a wrapped present. There's nothing more delightful to me than to see a stack of gorgeous wrapping and the creativity that people come up with.



I guess it's the off shoot of scrapbooking -- kind of the stamp thing. People get carried away with cards and stamps and come up with ideas that are gorgeous and one of a kind. One of the cards to this party was crafty one with a bride and groom on the front with added decoration. It was the kind of card you know someone had made just for them. It shows thoughtfulness and caring. Some people at my work have a gift card ring going. Once a month, they make up 12 sets of 2 cards and then they get gathered and divided among the participants. The result is 12 different gift tags that are unique and special. I'd be reluctant to use them, because they were so gorgeous.

I know in our crazy world right now, gift bags have become the norm. I keep the bags I get and use them over and over. Some of the gift bags are really cute, with things attached to them or extra decorations to make them more special -- but it's still a bag.



One of my favorite ways to give gifts is in a large basket lined with kitchen towels or large napkins, depending on what I'm putting in it. When I have time and money, I like to really be creative, like my sister was.



Another gift, which kind of doesn't go along with my delight in wrapping paper, is the one we give all my neices and nephews that get married. We find some kind of bucket -- preferably one that can be used in their married life, a bottle of sparkling apple juice and two special glasses. We stick it in the traveling vehicle and wish them well on their life together. This was something that was done for us on our honeymoon, and we enjoyed it immensely. The same shower that I went to, was for the fiance of my nephew. We've already found him an official ice bucket -- however it's red. I don't think they'll mind, but if they do I guess they can always paint it. grin.

We've got the bottle of sparkling juice, now I'm just trying to find the right glasses. We'll tie it all together with a bit of silver and gold ribbon, and they won't care that it's not wrapped.

In reality, wrapping is not all that matters -- but I think it's a definite art form and one that should be continued. Don't let lack of time spoil your joy in the gift that your giving -- make it special for them, and for you.

Return to the Neighborhood

Friday, September 05, 2008

Have Pencil, Will Draw



Several months ago, my husband and I were looking through the KSL classified adds, FREE section (one of our spare time occupations...grin) and spotted an add that said they were willing to trade for boxes. My hubby frequently has loads of empty computer boxes, (since he works with computers) and was interested in seeing what they wanted to trade.

It was Weddings for Dummies. Yeah...another one of those books, grin. However, we were interested because one of our daughters had mentioned she planned on getting married in the near future and a book like this wouldn't hurt.

But -- what we discovered was the young woman who wanted to trade. She'd just gotten married and was moving out of her apartment into her new home, and needed boxes. She was more than thrilled to trade her book for our boxes, and as my daughters helped their dad unload the boxes and carry them in, she gave them a calendar that she'd illustrated.



Turns out, it was Meg Johnson, former Ms Wheelchair Utah. She illustrated these darling calendars, for the Ms Wheelchair Utah foundation. She started the whole ball rolling when she found herself in a wheelchair in 2004. Here is the story from the Ms Wheelchair Utah site:



"Meg Johnson nominated herself for MWU 2005. There was no pageant. No judges to select her as “great.” She selected herself; her motto was jokingly: “I picked me.” She bought her own crown.

She heard about the Ms. Weelchair America Pageant in 2005, when she had been paralyzed for only a year. She found that there was no Utah branch of the national pageant so she applied to go to nationals as an Independent Delegate representing Utah. She raised the $1300 application fee by writing letters to local businesses and having a yard sale. She flew herself and her mom to new York where she was the youngest contestant in age and also the newest to a wheelchair.

She had fallen off a cliff just 16 months prior to competing. In the landing, she had broken her legs, arms, collar bone, and neck...but not her spirit. Meg received the Spirit Award at the national pageant. Upon returning home, Meg and her now husband, Whit, founded and currently direct the Ms. Wheelchair Utah pageant. Meg uses her own motto, "When life gets too hard to stand, just keep on rollin'" to motivate other women in wheelchairs through this pageant, and people of all abilities, as she speaks to community groups and businesses across the western states. Her website is www.MegJohnsonSpeaks.com "

I was totally impressed and awed. To picture this young woman drawing these figures with the pencil weaved between her fingers just amazes me. As you can see, these figures have character and charm. They are far from just stick figures -- they are art.



I felt so ashamed when I saw what she was working toward and achieving with the limitations she had to deal with. When looking at those, my life is a walk in the park. She is upbeat, courageous and creative -- an inspiration to all to talk to her.

I had to share her art and creativity with you, and I hope you'll seek out her website and learn more about her. If nothing else, I encourage you to buy a calendar -- it's money well spent.

Return to the Neighborhood.

Monday, September 01, 2008

The Art of Minerva Teichert


In going through my Ensign for last month, I came across a section with paintings about the Book of Mormon done by Minerva Teichert. I have seen her artwork before, but for some reason it stood out to me and I thought it worth mentioning today.

Her work has a certain look that makes it stand out from others. It makes me think of a more ancient design...almost as if this is a work that has been uncovered in an archeological site in the moods that she brings across. Yet...it's rich and unique in it's own way.



She used, aparently, any thing she could find to paint on. Wood, canvas, flour sacks, etc., which amazes me. I have to paint on standard surfaces, or I find it irritating. She painted in her front room of her home, which was too small for some of her work. The sheer size is astounding. She worked, raised her children and painted. She commented in on biography that "She had to paint, it was a disease..." Funny how that's what I feel about writing -- more than painting, though I have to paint too.



She painted with watercolors first, when she was young, and then grew to use other mediums as well. It seems her larger works were done with oils, but she also used acrylic. One of the articles I read about her suggested trying to paint with her style, using thick acrylic on a brown paper bag. I would never have thought of that...

She was a unique woman who was very talented and went the way of her heart and the way of the Lord. I know there are many who would grow from getting to know her and studying her work. There is a quote by President Hinkley about her work:
"She was a very impressive woman. She was a very personable woman. She wasn't an unapproachable, stiff-necked artist. You could tell a Minerva Teichert painting if you bumped into it in China. I respect her for her qualities and tremendous artistry that she has shown."

I think that says a great deal about her as a person and an artist. One wants to stand out in art, so that your work isn't grouped in with someone elses. Clearly, her's stands on it's own. What I find even more impressive was how down to earth she was.



One of her teachers told her she should go home and paint the Mormon experience. That was when she returned and married her husband, began her life on the ranch, raising her children and creating the masterpieces we enjoy today.

I think she would be an inspiration to anyone who has thought they didnt' have the time to paint or explore their talents. She worked on a ranch and had five children. Think she had time?

Of course, I wonder if she thought sleep and eating were necessities...lol.

Return to the Neighborhood.

Wow... really??

so - I didn't realize it has been that long since my last post.  I think I kind of gave up on it, knowing I don't have many follower...