The glories of Fall

Well...I know I keep writing about the colors and wonder of fall, but I've been waiting for a really good picture to post so everyone can see my favorite tree. Our tree in the front yard is a maple tree, and it's wonderful in the fall. It starts at the top, and some of the sides and changes gradually from green to red tips and then full blown golden yellow. When the afternoon light shines on it, it seems to glow. I could lay down on the floor and just gaze at it all day.
Now doesn't that just make you smile?

Have You Forgotten?

I have to make a quick post this morning, as I've run out of time. I have so much to say, and invariably, I run out of time to say it in. Sigh.
I said a lot in a short story I wrote a month or so ago, and I'm going to put the link here so that you can read for yourself.
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1101204

Have you forgotten this day 5 years ago? Where were you when the towers were falling? Were you watching TV like most of us, glued with horrified fascination that something so terrible could happen to us? We have been so protected in our nation. We don't have attacks that others could almost count daily. We are protected by the very government many protest, derile and abuse.

Granted, there are many in our government who are only there for political gain, power and prestige. But there are still those who are there to serve the people and protect our rights.

Have you forgotten that day? Have you forgotten the feelings of fear as you looked in the sky and wondered if your city was next? I remember watching our fighter jets fly over head, so very thankful that they were there!!

I wear a pin today that I got from my brother who is now a retired sheriffs deputy. It says "United we Stand". How many of us have forgotten?

We cannot forget! We as a people tend to get lazy and lax when fear dissipates and we don't remember to do the things that are necessary.

Please remember this day. Honor those who gave their lives for others and for our freedoms every day in the mid east.

This war is important. Despite what the right-wing would have you hear, believe and do--we are doing the right thing. This war needs to be fought--where it is being fought. Or we just might have it in our own backyard.
Never Forget.

I won't.

I'm Excited!!

Okay...first I'm suffering the pangs of post-vacation blues, and now I'm so excited, I'm not sure how to handle it.
First...we went on a cruise to Alaska, and it was so much fun! We love cruising anyay, but Alaska is the best when your suffering from 100+ weather. Everyone say with me...ahhhhhh. grin.
Then, we get home, and my book is out! At last! I am an officially published illustrator! I had the opportunity to illustrate a book for a woman that was compiling columns she'd written for the newspaper. It was so much fun, and such a surprise. It's thrilling to see it in printed form.
Here is a couple of the illustrations that I did for it. And yes...all of them are copyrighted!!!
I took it to work and bragged all day, so I guess it's time to brag here. This is the link if you want to see it and perhaps (YES--you want it!!) purchase it. ;)

http://www.rosehavenpublishing.com/index

Not Pioneer Stock...or feet

I've decided I would never have made a good pioneer. I can't handle heat very well. Trecking across the plains in the blazing sun, wearing three layers of clothing and long sleeves with a bonnet would have done me in. Let alone the shoes! I would have been one of those will calused soles of at least an inch thick walking the whole trail without shoes. ugh.
And the cooking? Every meal a dutch oven surprise? Wouldn't have happened after the first two months. Then I would have been telling everyone to make sure the buffalo meat got dried, cause I wouldn't be cooking anymore. My favorite summer meal is pasta salad and lemonade. How often do you think they had lemonade?
Let alone the winters...tramping through snow with no shoes and nothing but blankets would have done me in as well. I guess I'm a wimp all the way around.
Then let's talk about city life. Getting to Salt Lake, they didn't have real civilization until they'd been there for about 10 years. And then, the outside world didn't really invade until the rail road made it through. I've got this problem with mail, see, I like to get it all the time. I would have felt sooo isolated--I was born in the city.
I figure that's okay though...Pioneers would probably have been way confused and frustrated with our lifestyle. I mean, a cell phone? Why would you want to have contact with your children while they were in the forest relieving themselves? ewe! Let alone a car--that would have been way beyond their comprehension. Let's see how they would have done changing a tire in the middle of a snowstorm without an overpass to protect them from the snow or slush flung by passing cars... Or working at a job they didn't necessarily like for 8 hours a day, with an hour commute in rush hour to get home and sit in front of a television which showed 'reality' shows and how other people had more money than they did.
Let's face it, everyone had more money than the pioneers. That would have been no reality show, it would have been life.
I don't know. It just amazes me how these people had the strength and fortitude to make that journey and live during the time period they lived in. Makes you wonder what we could do if we put our minds to it. What kind of inner strengths do we have? What kind of feats could we pull off?
Interesting to think about, isn't it? Have a good one!

World's Fastest Indian

I really hope that anyone that watches this movie doesn't take America on that assumption--short of how everyone manages to help him reach his goal. The start of his trip isn't too auspicious, but at least he finally gets to the Salt Flats.

I was so impressed with this movie. I loved how everyone rallied around him and helped him reach his goal when they realized how far he had come to fullfill it. It makes me take an evaluated look at my own life and my own dreams. How far am I willing to go to reach them?

I think most of my life has been one of convenience. If it worked, I did it. I didn't really strive hard for anything, outside of my marriage and my children. But this past year I've discovered that I do have the capability to achieve what I set my mind to. I never thought I could. I've discovered that I can make myself write everyday. I can control what I eat. I can make myself walk. It's been an eye opening experience.

Have you done that lately?

Relationships- Joy and Pain

Well...this month is kind of a mile stone for me. My husband and I will have been married 20 years on our anniversary this month. It hardly seems possible. We shake our heads at each other, knowing it just doesn't seem like that amount of time has passed.
And then we look at our twin daughters that turn 19 this year, and know there is no getting around it, we've gotten old when we weren't looking. Not that we are OLD...grin, but older. Probably a little bit fuddy duddy.
Although, one of my twins will tell me every time that she has a sexy mom...grin. (I think I'll keep her...)
Our relationship has never been perfect, although I would say it was close. I love him more now than I did then, and that always amazes me. I think he is truely more handsome now than he was then, and I thought he was ohhh so good looking then. sigh. Now his face has richness and character that I just love to gaze at all the time. It's simply wonderful.
He claims he is a lousy husband and an okay father, and I have to argue. He is a wonderful father, simply because he loves our children with a deepness and intensity that they have no clue. Some day they'll understand, and then they'll appreciate him more.
While he is perhaps, not the most perfect of husbands, I wouldn't trade him for anyone else. He loves me in such a way that I know he is missing me. I know he wants to spend time with me. It is a wonder and something I'm always thankful for. He loves me.
At the same time, I wonder if he realizes how much I love him. I was reading The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks the other day, and thinking about how couples fall into routines during the child raising years. One of my husband's fears is that we won't have anything to talk about when our last child has left the home and we are alone with each other.
I count the days sometimes...
That is one of the things I fell in love with. Our ability to talk about anything. There was no uncomfortable, heavens-what-do-I-talk-about with him--I remember laying on my bed, listening to him talk on the phone and being amazed at the conversation. That was before we even started dating.
After a while, I began to really respect him and his integrity. It is a quality I admire and look for, and he has it in spades. If my husband says he will do something, you can count on him to do it (at least if it's outside our family...grin-sometimes the simple stuff gets lost in the shuffle). He is also extremely loyal, especially as an employee. I am so impressed with how he handles himself and works at doing his job. How he provides the best he can for me and the children. I thank God in my prayers every night for the blessing of having him in my life.
He supports me as best he can in my endeavors, such as writing and painting and whatever else I mention I want to do.
Unfortunately, I have to admit I don't feel I've been as good at it with him. He has had to point it out a couple of times, and it makes my heart ache. I never intend on being selfish, I never thought I was that kind of person, but there are times in our relationship where I feel that is what has happened. It's all about me...mom...wife...what do I get out of things? I want things a certain way...I want to spend money on this and money is tight. He hates having to say no, so sometimes he will say yes just because he knows it's something I want. Even if it's just a trinket that I could simply live without. He would buy me the world if he could.
On the other hand, I tend to be more concious about the money when HE is the one spending it. But, in my mind, I feel he won't accept spending money on himself. He's told me several times that he doesn't feel right spending money on shoes for him when one of the kids needs them, etc. Even though he hasn't gotten a new pair of shoes in at least two years... let alone Sunday shoes that he's had since his mission...sigh.
So...then I try to find him what he wants in the least expensive way possible so he doesn't feel guilty, and he feels that I'm trying to spend as little as possible on him. He tells me that there's no way I can win, but he loves the effort.
He's a little depressed about our anniversary. He wanted to take me to Hawaii, or somewhere else really special since our honeymoon was pretty basic, thought I loved every minute of it. We simply can't afford it. However, my sister owns a condo in a ski city nearby, and we're going to spend a couple of nights there.
My biggest excitement is that my mother-in-law is taking us on a cruise a month after our anniversary. I figure that counts...although he's not paying for it, it's still a chance to be romantic. We're trying to figure out how we can avoid his family for the seven day cruise...
;)
Anyway, I guess what I'm rambling on about, is it's amazing how our perceptions, our desires and our characters change over time. You get married, you think life is at it's best and can't get any worse. Then you have children. Unimaginable stresses come upon your relationship and you have to work at staying together. Then, you do something else...loose a job, or remodel a home, etc. Those add even more stress, and it's not unusual to have couples fighting over the color of the bathroom tile when it seems a trivial thing. (trust me...I had no idea my husband would have definite ideas on what he wanted the house to look like, I thought it was all up to me!)
Marriage relationships take work and dedication--more than any other thing you will work on in your life. An nothing else will be as meaningful in the long run.
Except perhaps sharing that relationship with your children.

Summer Time Blues

I realize it's a little early in the summer to bewailing it already, but I am. It's only three days into vacation time, and already I'm thinking of stringing up my three younger sons.

It's not entirely their fault...but then again, it is. They figure that school is out, they can do as they please. Play chess or checkers all day--play with legos until they are scattered all over the house (don't you lOVE stepping on those sharp little buggers?)--run outside and climb all the trees (which is one of the reasons we live here, so they CAN do that...grin).

But the clutter and chaos of the house is ignored in all of this, and that's what drives me crazy. I've never been a neat fanatic--ask anyone in my family. Any flat surface tends to be piled on. HOWEVER (grin) I have to say that I have turned a new leaf - so to speak - and now try very hard to keep those surfaces clean. I don't do it as often as I'd like to, and so they do start piling up. But, it's much better than it used to be, and so I tend to notice it rather quickly.

Especially when it's my children doing the piling.

Say whenever they clear off the table for dinner...any flat surface will do to put the items they are taking off. Regardless as to their importance or ability to be found later. (we have discovered this much to our dismay) Then, we have a wood buffet that my husbands grandmother made with her own two little hands... It's gorgeous, but it has several flat surfaces that my autistic son feels is his duty to decorate. I still have Christmas stuff on there, so it's not entirely his fault...(grin) Then we have the children's desk...which is an old workshop desk with a spot for four people and four drawers on each side that has become a flat surface with legs...you can't see the top of it for the papers piled on it now. You know how it is, end of school, clean out the desks...bring everything home and dumped it on the biggest flat surface you can find? Which is usually the floor...and then we have to make everyone pick them up and it ends up on the desk.

So...the purpose of this rambling diatribe is that one of my projects for the summer, is to declutter my living spaces. This morning it was finding the garbage can that belonged in the laundry room and picking up the floor so that you can tell there is cement down there. (well...cement is better than - um, dirt...grin) I came back up to realize that everywhere I looked there was a flat surface that needed attention. Sigh.

So...now that my older girls are out of the home and no longer help in the cleaning department...it's mainly up to me to whip things into shape, along with training my sons. My youngest is learning how the dishwasher works. That's been real fun, I can tell you. And he's also on the kitchen for his daily chore and getting the message that he needs to sweep out from under the table has been difficult...(I know that hamburger bun looks petrified, but it doesn't count for a collection...)

So...I have to remind myself- I love these children, I wanted them, and it's more important to train them and love them and create a loving environment than to have a perfect house. I've long ago given up on the perfect house...now I'd just like the de-cluttered one. Is that too much to ask?

Only 82 more days until school starts... ;)

Happy Mothers Day...I think...

Well...I realized that I should have posted something in honor of this day and that I was remiss. This day always leaves me feeling torn and conflicted. Torn because I want to go choke all the emotional outpourings of perfection from the speakers I have to listen to, and conflicted with the joy those little cherubs bring to my life.
You see...I love my children, and I'm very thankful I have them--but there are many times when I really wish they belonged to someone else.
Ever have thoughts like that?
Now that two of my children have 'left the nest' so to speak, mother's day was really strange. One daughter came and spent some time with us--bringing gifts. It was sweet. The other one called, so I had that. She'd totally forgot it was mother's day. Who was there to remind her? No one.
Isn't that what mothers are for? (grin)
I hate sitting through church meetings where they espouse the wonders of the mothers past and present and make the rest of us--who are not quite Molly material--feel even less so. My children are quick to tell me they think I'm great, and there have been times when I've been Molly-ish, but I'm not really.
It's never been my goal in life. I did not grow up dreaming of the day I'd become a mom, and think of all the fun things I would do with my kids.
Kids used to scare me.
I just dreamed of getting married and living happily ever after with the man of my dreams. Never mind that he had visions of children dancing around in his head--primarily nine of them so he could have his own baseball team. (grin)
Well..he didn't end up with that many, but he got more than the one or two I'd thought about. And I wouldn't give up any of them for any amount of money--despite the fact they drive us crazy and make us wish teenagers disappeared until they were 25.
So...with that in mind, I am thankful for my blessings. It was a wonderful day, I didn't have to cook, the children were calm and played well together. We sat outside and talked while I relaxed on my porch swing and admired all of God's creations.
It was truly a wonderful day.
I hope yours was too.

Update for the staple crowd...

Well... I figured it was time to put an update out here on the ear staple.

I haven't lost any more weight... But as I think I've said (was it another post? grin) I haven't GAINED any more either. The problem is, I'm not sure if it's the ear staple, or the gradual change of my diet. I've been really changing the way I eat. I don't eat a lot of bread any more, and I try to eat as much veggies and fruit as I can. I'm also taking a lot of vitamin pills and stuff to help with the way my joints feel, and I think the combination is helping.

I do feel better. Lots better. I feel like I'm getting thinner, although the scale doesn't indicate that. My hubby is sure that I'm melting from the top down...(grin) I don't mind, as long as it makes it to the hips! (LOL)

So...if that depresses some of you, I'm sorry! Don't let it. The staple thing is a percentage thing. Only 20% are going to have that dramatic effect. The 20% that it doesn't do anything for, I feel for you. And the 60% of us that loose slowly and gradually, just sigh and keep at it. It didn't take me one year to gain all this weight, and it's not going to take one year for it to come off and stay off.
At least that's what I tell myself...
;)

Mixed Feelings...mixed nuts

Well...
this has been a strange week.
Yesterday I got the news that a friend died - and I'd just been reading his emails the day before. Really strange. It's funny how things sneak up on you like that. Death always hits me - not, well, hard, but hits me. I've had a lot of death in my life, and I always weep. I don't think it's always from sadness-sometimes I think it's jealousy-they got there before me. That song where the grandpa is telling the 15 year old about his grandmother's note left just before they eloped, and how "if you get there before I do, don't give up on me." I guess that's how I feel. It's especially what I want my husband to hear.
I'm also in a strange mood because my daughter left for Yellowstone today. My hubby took her up last night, and it's the second one that is out of the home. It's not like we haven't been expecting this, or waiting for this to happen. In fact, I kind of pushed her out into the world. We'd decided she was getting to comfy at home - no rent, no school, part time work. What do you think? ;)
"Go work up there," I said. "You'll love it! Living in a dorm with a roomie, working in a national park, going on trips to town, not having to prepare meals or wash dishes -"(actually, that appealed to me for a few minutes) I'm not sure my hubby will thank me anytime soon. He wanted her off her duff and out of the house, but MONTANA?
Anyway, thinking of her there, off on her own with strangers everywhere she looks-makes me wonder how she is going to handle it. It's her first test of adulthood. Her first trial by fire. How is she going to handle it? I can only pray and hope the best. I kept repeating in my mind last night as I was trying to go to sleep all by myself in our empty feeling king sized bed that I was leaving it all in the Lord's hands. He was much more capable than I, He was the one holding them in his care. I had to let go.
Letting go isn't always easy.
Her sister jokingly told me she'd have to come home more often to take up the slack with her sister gone. I'm not sure that's a good idea either..(grin) Her brothers love to have someone to torment. The one sister left might string them all up by their toes during the night and I might find them all screaming outside from the tree in the morning...
I remember when I went off to college my first year, and it was a scary time for me. It was the first time I'd ever experienced being homesick. I'm afraid my daughter might be homesick, and I'm not sure what to tell her-how to help. I'm not sure how I got over it, but I must have just kept going and kept doing, even though my heart ached with the strangeness of it.
I still find it hard to believe I'm old enough to have a daughter out on her own. Two of them, with the third quickly joining them. Where did the time go? I still feel like I'm in my early 20's, just barely married and happily living with the man of my dreams.
How come we can't stop time and view the past for a moment and soak up the joy and happiness that was then? Would that help with the ache in the empty space now? Probably not. If someone came up with a way to do it, they'd probably make millions.
I said mixed nuts in the title today because a mixed bag of feelings is much like a mixed bag of nuts. I don't like all the nuts they put in those things. I like peanuts, cashews, almonds and that's about it. But you can't toss feelings or emotions as casually aside as you can a nut you don't like. Sometimes you have to just deal with them and go on. Sometimes I guess that's where our growth comes from-these times of separation.
My hubby commented the other night that we were going to be in trouble when all of our kids were out of the house. What would we talk about? I told him that was silly. We'd keep talking about all the other things we talk about now! Writing, a book we've read, the house, the yard, our kid's problems, the church, etc. etc. etc. That is one of the things I love so much about him. We talk about everything.
But, I don't know why it's so much easier for me to let go than it is for him-I'm the mother! You'd think my heart would be pulled much tighter than his, but sometimes it's not. However, this time, I think it might be just as hard for me as it is him-even though heis the one dropping her off and having to drive away. (I think I would have a hard time seeing the road for a few miles if it were me)
I think it's a good thing I had to go to work today. I think sitting at home in an empty home, knowing that my daughter is far, far away, would NOT have been a good thing.
I might have to go buy some nuts on the way home.

Vacation is a break from....work?

Well...I got to take a short break last week with my family. It was wonderful - sort of. We went up to the mountain and thought it would just be cool...it was snow. All the time we were there. At the same time, it was melting too, and so there was red mud everywhere. sigh. It was interesting. The pool was nice, and the condo was nice, the company was very nice (grin) - it could just have been a little warmer.
What do I expect, huh?
anyway...now the vacation is over and it's back to work, and I'm not sure it was long enough. I got two of the major projects I was working on finished, which is something. Now I have to get back into the swing of writing again. It's almost like I turned that part of my brain off for a while, which I never thought was possible. I didn't think I could ever shut that side of my brain off. It's a little disconcerting.
I'm just hoping that I can get it going again!

Yard sale anyone?

Why do we do it? Everytime we hold a yard sale, we promise ourselves that we will never do it again. It's never been profitable, it usually costs more than we make on whatever we are trying to sell - and then it's the people.
I just love people's comments on things...and how they always try to talk you down on the price. Say we want $5 for something, will we take 3? or less? Hello...it's not like you could find this item for $5 anywhere anyway...but that's not the point. There are those who feel they have to treat us like this is Tijuana and bargaining is the norm. sigh. Sorry...we aren't desperate, we just want to clear the stuff out of our closets, you know?
Anyway, we gave in and decided to help out a family member by helping get stuff out of her house this past week. We also decided (in a brief moment of insanity)to hold a moving sale for her, thinking we might get some money for her. That was our first mistake.
We decided after Saturday was over, perhaps we were just supposed to help get the stuff out of her house. It proceeded to rain, snow and hail - just about everything but show sunlight for the entire time we were holding the sale. (sigh)
After we got cleaned up and put everything away and went to the store, the clouds were dispersing and the sun was out!!! I could have screamed. It was crazy.
We made enough to cover the add in the paper, and probably the gas we put in the vehicles to move the stuff out of her house. Oh well...at least it's out of her house, right?
We did a good deed, everyone is happy, we just don't have a garage until after hubby gets off work and we get everything else loaded up to the DI...
ah the joy of service in the spring in the west...

Patience is a virtue???

Well, I've never been really good at being patient. I have lots of kids, you'd think it would be a characteristic by now. At least I've gotten better! But this whole staple thing gives me a clue that I'm not as patient as I thought. I wanted to drop those pounds! I wanted to be thin and look gorgeous and have my hubby be fighting men off with a big gun! (at least that's what he's afraid is going to happen - grin)
Not gonna happen any time soon! sigh. At least it was kind of fun buying a swimsuit the other day... I wasn't stretching the fabric everywhere and I didn't look like a beached whale...so progress is being made. I haven't been able to weigh myself for a while, so I can't give you a weight loss thing right now, that will have to wait another week. Have a good one!

well...not as well as expected

Or should I say - hoped? This staple thing was supposed to be my salvation from physical woes. My help in my darkest hour...my excuse to not eat...
yeah right.
Sorry about waxing dramatic there, but that's what I sort of felt that first two weeks. Now I'm a little more dismayed and dissapointed. I have lost weight...I'm down, lets see... 7 pounds. I guess that's nothing to laugh at, better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick...but in a month? I lost 10 pounds a month when I was on Weight Watchers. I have to admit, that was like 25 years ago and it's a whole different story now - but I had thought it would be a more dramatic weight loss. I guess I'll have to take what I can get. A pound is a pound, and a lifestyle change is a change that sticks, so I'm trying.
I'll make it more official...weight 315 lbs

I have to laugh...my poor hubby has been trying to eat a little differently with me (we've been not eating bread or pasta as much - although the olympics kind of messed that up, and lots of vegies and fruit) he has gained 2 pounds! So I guess things could be worse...
Poor man...
;)

yeah Olympics!

I'm a little excited, can you tell? I love the Olympics. I'm not sure exactly why - it always catches my heart strings when I hear them playing someone's national anthem and the athlete is up there crying. Of course I feel a little stronger when it's one of ours! (grin)
But I feel like it draws the world a little closer together for a short time. It brings world peace a little closer to reality - even though those who really need a lesson aren't participating and never will. Oh well...the world still turns and life goes on. I hope everyone enjoys February this year as much as I will!

February - month of love

Well...February is my favorite month - okay, second favorite! (grin) I guess December is probably my fav...
anyway, I love Valentines day. I am happily married, so I spend this month spoiling my hubby as much as possible. I don't know if this drives him crazy or not - he's never said, but I love it. I haven't settled on anything in particular this year, but I'm working on it. I hope everyone has a great day!

ear staple

Well, I've decided to try and journalize my experiences here regarding ear stapling. I don't know if it will benefit anyone or not - but there we go.

Those of you who know me know that I've been overweight my entire life. There was a short period while I was in college that I was able to loose some with Weight Watchers (tr) but after I got married and had children, it came back with a vengance. I have tried all sorts of diets, but haven't been able to really stick to anything for any lasting benefit. We were contemplating gastric banding (there was no way I was going to do anything more drastic like the bypass!) but found our insurance won't cover it, and it's close to $17,000 for the proceedure. Forget that!!!

We have a neighbor who is also our Chiropractor, and he does acupuncture at his offices. (Not him personally, but he has it offered) We talked to him about it and he told me to think about it for a couple of weeks, knowing it would take effort on my part - it wouldn't be a miracle cure.
We came back and decided to do it. I didn't even realize he was talking about an ear staple! I thought I was getting needles in my ear or something! He is licensed to perform this aspect, so I felt fine with him doing it.

I had heard about stapling a long time ago - but had forgotten all about it and had never concidered it. Now I'm wondering why?

But anyway, it was relatively simple - he found the spot in my ear where it's supposed to affect the appetite center of the brain, and clamped the staple in. He said that his patients have told him it's like getting your ear pierced with the gun, and I guess that's pretty much it. He kind of loosened it a little, and sent us on our way. He did tell us that it usually only has a 60% success rate, so it's still something that's not going to happen over night.

After this, I went home and got online and looked up the procedure. (I know, a little LATE! grin) I found that there are many differing oppinions about it, on both sides of the fence. Apparently what he told me was correct. One site said there is usually 20% that have dramatic results, 20% that it doesn't really do anything for and 60% that it has average results.

I'm hoping I'm going to be one of the dramatic (grin) but probably not. In the two weeks he told us to think about it, he asked me to try an acid free diet. I think it's crazy, but I'm still trying to follow it. Basically no or little bread and pasta!!! argh! It's been a little hard in that department. Little meat (like that's a big surprise) and lots and lots of veggies and some fruit. I lost 4 pounds in those two weeks before I got the staple! The hardest part is weekends and we are eating all the meals together as a family. We don't always eat at a set schedule, and he says to follow that plan, you should. Hmm.... we're trying. My hubby is being a champ and trying it with me. I guess we'll see how he does too.

At this point, I haven't really felt any benefit from it, although at least it's stopped being really painful (much as when your ears are healing from being pierced). I can sort of lay down on it now, but it's still tender. There is no sign of infection, and we are told that shouldn't happen as long as I keep things clean.

I'm going to keep track of my weight here as well...so I guess here goes - (it's really hard to see it in physical numbers, okay?)
January 2006 -
weight - 322 lbs
height - 5'7"
Normal blood sugar
High Blood pressure
Good Cholesteral

Sorry for the spelling, I'm a writer, but I love the dictionary and the spell checker!
So, anyway. If you're going to comment, please do not post anything obnoxious or negative - it's a little late now. thanks.
Have a good one!

Million lies - Million Pieces - who knows?

Well...I'm going to vent this morning. Many of you have probably seen or heard or probably even read the book a Million Pieces. I have vaguely heard of it, but have no interest in reading it. I could care less about Oprah claiming it for her bookclub...;) anyway, my daughter asked me if I'd read it when she dropped in to visit me yesterday. I said no - she said I should. It does have lots of language (she tells me, knowing I don't read swear words and such if I can avoid it!!) but otherwise it's a cool book. It's about an addict and how he overcomes his addiction and his life and stuff. She tells me this because her boyfriend is coming out of rehab next Tuesday, and she's so excited she can't stand it.

Let me say at this point that she's never known the boy outside of rehab...she only met him while writing letters and then meeting him there. (it's a scary world, isn't it?)So....to continue on...;)

I have an online book club I belong to and while there this morning (declining my book choices for the month...grin) I noticed one of the books available was Million Pieces. I figured I'd read what the reviews said. Wow, what a mixed bag. Half of them said it was the most wonderful, powerful book they had ever written, and the other half hated him, hated the book, and or didn't care.

I thought that was interesting. Several of them referenced a web site called Smoking Gun, so I figured I'd go see what that fuss was about. Well...apparently this guy that wrote the book that is supposed to be NON-fiction, elaborated or enhanced his life to the point where much of his criminal activties (which he seems to be very proud of) never happened.

My point in bringing this up is stuff like this does NOT help the average writer! Especially those who write Non-fiction! They go to alot of effort (at least the ones I know do) to make sure what they are writing is factual. Why bother calling it non-fiction if it's not? Apparently this guy tried to publish it as Fiction, and couldn't do it. So he supposedly changed the fictional parts and was able to publish it as non. They had some blurbs on the Smoking Gun site, and just those few blurbs made me want to avoid the book. It sounds totally self serving and vile. And yet, he got his fame. He got his money - he got his book contract, movie contract and wrote another book. He is apparently writing yet another book, although he claims this one is fiction. I tell you, in my oppinion, he's had lots of practice.

Many of the "I love it's" stated that while the book as a whole might not be true, the facts from an addicts point of view were and it was amazing. Well...I've had some experience with family and addiction - while I'm not an expert, I do believe I know a small amount about it. Usually if you are drawn into that much of the underbelly of society as he claims he was, it's a long climb back up, and there is usually proof of it somewhere - you usually are unable to hide the effects in your face, your manner, your health.

This guy's mug shots look like a good kid having a night on the town. Even his college days he graduated with his class when he was supposedly stoned the whole time.

It makes me feel sorry for the real addicts who are going to read this book and think they can break it on their own. Because that's what he preaches. Yes, I did say preach. Apparently he says he doesn't believe in a 'Higher Power' or that the 12 steps work for anyone. To me, that's asking for trouble, and I wonder how much he sold his soul for.There are so many out there who desperately need help to overcome their addictions, and he's telling them they can do it on their own! The reason this worries me in relation to my daughter, is she was of the mind that she could help him change his habits...change his addiction. She could do this. My brother, who happens to be a retired deputy sheriff, just shakes his head at her. He's seen too many situations like this, and I have to say, it doesn't usually come out rosy.

Now that she's read this book, and probably her boyfriend has read it, they are both going to be thinking they can do this on their own! That they don't need God (which is something she's been trying to tell us for 4 years now) and they can do all on their own. It's breaks the heart.

Nothing I have to say is going to affect this man. Nor will anyone probably read my views on the matter. I just felt the need to express my thoughts before they dissipated. I feel bad that Oprah has chosen to pick a book no parent in their right mind would want a child to read. I understand she was picking classics and great works before this one.

I guess what really saddens me - is the reaction of some of these people who loved the book. They couldn't put it down...it took them three or four days to read, but they were caught up in it. WHY?? I've tried to read a couple of books that someone brought me - and had to put it down after the first chapter or so and realized what I was reading! Yuck! How can you get past the garbage to enjoy the plot or premis of the book?

I'm sorry - I hope I don't offend anyone - but if you want to read trash (which is basically what I feel his book is) there's lots of porn and other stuff out there if you want to go looking for it. It doesn't need to be dredged up and wiped off for the rest of us to try smelling it. It won't be pretty, no matter how it's dressed up.

I have to add - Yes, sometimes life is NOT pretty. Sometimes it's pretty raw and ugly. That's life. That's war. That's pain. And, lest you think I'm a naive person who doesn't really know anything, I've been in foster homes my whole youth - had foster brothers who drank and smoke and did drugs and had friends that did drugs and messed up their lives. I've been in the 'real' world. I have a choice now.

I don't have to fill my mind with worthless smutt that's not going to enlighten my thoughts or make my world a better place.

Just my two cents for the day...Hope you have a good one - I'm going to find something to make me smile!

Happy New Year!

I can't believe it's January already! 2006! that was a year I didn't think I'd ever see. I grew up on science fiction, and this was the year sci fi was made of!!! Wild. I also can't believe how fast Christmas went. We have had the most unusual weather for us...rain!! Snow in the mountains, but rain here! Our Christmas was like California - brown! I couldn't believe how warm it was. Oh well...at least we still got moisture.
Now it's onto the new. I'm not one for making resolutions - I'm trying to make goals, so I have a new goal - however not so very new, but more determined. I am going to be published before the end of the year. I hope your goals work well for you!