Mixed Feelings...mixed nuts

Well...
this has been a strange week.
Yesterday I got the news that a friend died - and I'd just been reading his emails the day before. Really strange. It's funny how things sneak up on you like that. Death always hits me - not, well, hard, but hits me. I've had a lot of death in my life, and I always weep. I don't think it's always from sadness-sometimes I think it's jealousy-they got there before me. That song where the grandpa is telling the 15 year old about his grandmother's note left just before they eloped, and how "if you get there before I do, don't give up on me." I guess that's how I feel. It's especially what I want my husband to hear.
I'm also in a strange mood because my daughter left for Yellowstone today. My hubby took her up last night, and it's the second one that is out of the home. It's not like we haven't been expecting this, or waiting for this to happen. In fact, I kind of pushed her out into the world. We'd decided she was getting to comfy at home - no rent, no school, part time work. What do you think? ;)
"Go work up there," I said. "You'll love it! Living in a dorm with a roomie, working in a national park, going on trips to town, not having to prepare meals or wash dishes -"(actually, that appealed to me for a few minutes) I'm not sure my hubby will thank me anytime soon. He wanted her off her duff and out of the house, but MONTANA?
Anyway, thinking of her there, off on her own with strangers everywhere she looks-makes me wonder how she is going to handle it. It's her first test of adulthood. Her first trial by fire. How is she going to handle it? I can only pray and hope the best. I kept repeating in my mind last night as I was trying to go to sleep all by myself in our empty feeling king sized bed that I was leaving it all in the Lord's hands. He was much more capable than I, He was the one holding them in his care. I had to let go.
Letting go isn't always easy.
Her sister jokingly told me she'd have to come home more often to take up the slack with her sister gone. I'm not sure that's a good idea either..(grin) Her brothers love to have someone to torment. The one sister left might string them all up by their toes during the night and I might find them all screaming outside from the tree in the morning...
I remember when I went off to college my first year, and it was a scary time for me. It was the first time I'd ever experienced being homesick. I'm afraid my daughter might be homesick, and I'm not sure what to tell her-how to help. I'm not sure how I got over it, but I must have just kept going and kept doing, even though my heart ached with the strangeness of it.
I still find it hard to believe I'm old enough to have a daughter out on her own. Two of them, with the third quickly joining them. Where did the time go? I still feel like I'm in my early 20's, just barely married and happily living with the man of my dreams.
How come we can't stop time and view the past for a moment and soak up the joy and happiness that was then? Would that help with the ache in the empty space now? Probably not. If someone came up with a way to do it, they'd probably make millions.
I said mixed nuts in the title today because a mixed bag of feelings is much like a mixed bag of nuts. I don't like all the nuts they put in those things. I like peanuts, cashews, almonds and that's about it. But you can't toss feelings or emotions as casually aside as you can a nut you don't like. Sometimes you have to just deal with them and go on. Sometimes I guess that's where our growth comes from-these times of separation.
My hubby commented the other night that we were going to be in trouble when all of our kids were out of the house. What would we talk about? I told him that was silly. We'd keep talking about all the other things we talk about now! Writing, a book we've read, the house, the yard, our kid's problems, the church, etc. etc. etc. That is one of the things I love so much about him. We talk about everything.
But, I don't know why it's so much easier for me to let go than it is for him-I'm the mother! You'd think my heart would be pulled much tighter than his, but sometimes it's not. However, this time, I think it might be just as hard for me as it is him-even though heis the one dropping her off and having to drive away. (I think I would have a hard time seeing the road for a few miles if it were me)
I think it's a good thing I had to go to work today. I think sitting at home in an empty home, knowing that my daughter is far, far away, would NOT have been a good thing.
I might have to go buy some nuts on the way home.

Vacation is a break from....work?

Well...I got to take a short break last week with my family. It was wonderful - sort of. We went up to the mountain and thought it would just be cool...it was snow. All the time we were there. At the same time, it was melting too, and so there was red mud everywhere. sigh. It was interesting. The pool was nice, and the condo was nice, the company was very nice (grin) - it could just have been a little warmer.
What do I expect, huh?
anyway...now the vacation is over and it's back to work, and I'm not sure it was long enough. I got two of the major projects I was working on finished, which is something. Now I have to get back into the swing of writing again. It's almost like I turned that part of my brain off for a while, which I never thought was possible. I didn't think I could ever shut that side of my brain off. It's a little disconcerting.
I'm just hoping that I can get it going again!

Yard sale anyone?

Why do we do it? Everytime we hold a yard sale, we promise ourselves that we will never do it again. It's never been profitable, it usually costs more than we make on whatever we are trying to sell - and then it's the people.
I just love people's comments on things...and how they always try to talk you down on the price. Say we want $5 for something, will we take 3? or less? Hello...it's not like you could find this item for $5 anywhere anyway...but that's not the point. There are those who feel they have to treat us like this is Tijuana and bargaining is the norm. sigh. Sorry...we aren't desperate, we just want to clear the stuff out of our closets, you know?
Anyway, we gave in and decided to help out a family member by helping get stuff out of her house this past week. We also decided (in a brief moment of insanity)to hold a moving sale for her, thinking we might get some money for her. That was our first mistake.
We decided after Saturday was over, perhaps we were just supposed to help get the stuff out of her house. It proceeded to rain, snow and hail - just about everything but show sunlight for the entire time we were holding the sale. (sigh)
After we got cleaned up and put everything away and went to the store, the clouds were dispersing and the sun was out!!! I could have screamed. It was crazy.
We made enough to cover the add in the paper, and probably the gas we put in the vehicles to move the stuff out of her house. Oh well...at least it's out of her house, right?
We did a good deed, everyone is happy, we just don't have a garage until after hubby gets off work and we get everything else loaded up to the DI...
ah the joy of service in the spring in the west...