I Think I'm Turning Cynical

Or is it just aging?  I'm not sure.  I went to the doctors office with my daughter today and while waiting, observed there were 4 magazines in the rack for me to look at while waiting.  This was in the actual doctors examining room, not the waiting area - just to be clear.

One was GQ... which was totally full of men who were full of themselves...I mean wow.  I guess it's how men see women's magazines like O or Martha Stewart...hm.  Took me several minutes to find the article about Jeff Bridges, and after reading half the article I had to give up.  Too much language and it was getting into the kinky stuff that I really didn't want to know.  Found out that he's 10 years older than me and has actually been married to the same woman for 40 years, so that's something...

Another one was US...which is just a photo filled tabloid that passes as a magazine.  It has nothing but rumors and smut.  sigh.

one was Sunset Magazine, which is usually kind of interesting.  This issue was all about some really nice beach houses and wine country. A couple of recipes, but nothing I really wanted to try or copy.  Lovely.  Wish I had money.

The last one was the medical ones that the insurance companies put there that are supposed to have all sorts of encouraging things and suggestions.  This one had a little kid on the cover and was discussing raising healthy eaters.  Yeah.  Really felt like big brother telling me what to do...

So - either I spend too much time in doctors offices (which has actually been cut down quite a bit now that my youngest is 18 and hasn't done anything since breaking his arm this past spring, lol) or I'm becoming cynical.

Part of it is due, I think, to the latest bit about Obamacare.and all the hoopla over it.  I hate to say this - and it will label me, I'm sure - but it's what our government is headed toward.  I heard the statement made that our nation was headed toward a one payment plan type thing.  In other words, government healthcare.

Sigh.  Things are really going to the dogs. 

And my poor son.  Today was supposed to be the Bday party to end all bday parties.  We were going to do a glow in the dark nerf war.  I found all sorts of cool glow in the dark sticks and stuff and my hubby got strobe lights and I made a cake (well...it was kind of lame, but he liked it) that looked like nerf bullets, and you know what??? NO ONE CAME.  Not a soul. 

The same thing happened at his 16th bday party.  Go figure.  That one had been at Boondocks.  We ended up having fun anyway, but it was still sad.

Today, we managed to go ahead and play and it was a blast and we want to make this an annual thing.  But he was still depressed.  What do you say??  How do you get past this??

And then the RS Conference -- President Monson told the most wonderful story that said "Heavenly Father loves you!!  And always will.  That never changes."  wow.  Okay.  I just have to help my son see that.

I Think I Should Apologize...

Apologize... In case any one read my post the other day - it was kind of a rant.  Sigh.  What can I say??  I guess I was feeling a little crazy - we just found out my dad has several aneurysms and we are in the middle of the wait-and-see time.  He had a CT scan today, and they are doing some prep on the 8th...and then I guess a few days after that he'll go in, and we're sitting here going "HELLO???  These puppies could rupture any time and you're taking your own sweet time about it!!!"

Okay.  I'm calm now.  But anyway - that's kind of where my mind was the other day - so hope no one thought I was too wigged out.

Cause of course you'll really think I am now, huh?

lol.

Hey - did anyone catch the season premire of the Agents of Shield?  Anyone care to guess what really happened to Agent Colson?  We think he was cloned....

Have a good one.

I Couldn't Believe It

I got sucked into reading another stupid article about Miley C.  I'm not going to bother spelling out her last name -- if you don't know who I'm talking about, thank your lucky stars.  UGH.  That girl is...well, let me just say she needs a REALLY good friend right now to tell her the way it is.

The article said that her mother goes on tour with her.  There was this 'cute' little anecdote about how she was getting ready to get into her teddy bear costume for that awards show (where she showed how little respect she had for herself) and her mother asked her if she didn't need to go to the bathroom first.  She was like "mom!  ____ is right there!"  Well...like that mattered?  After what she did on stage for over six minutes was less embarrassing than having her mother suggest she go to the bathroom??  I feel like quoting Ron in the Harry Potter series:  "That girl has got to get her priorities straight!"

It's a sad sign of our day, really.  When the parents of that girl seem to support her in her various lewd activities.  I can understand them telling the press every where that she is "still their little girl".  They should still love her and let her know they are there for her.  But where do you draw the line?  I know I would be totally mortified if my daughter had behaved in such a way in front of millions of people!  It's pretty much like her filming a porn movie in front of a live audience, right?  How could you not go screaming into the night?

I guess they're doing the best they can, I mean, she's of age.  She lives on her own -- apparently down the street from them.  So mom goes on tour with her.  I guess that's showing her support...but I wonder if she has trouble sleeping at night? 

I know I do, and my children don't have half the problems her daughter does.  Am I being judgmental?  Probably, so I guess I should repent.  I'm sure she has many fine qualities.  At least, I felt she did when she was doing the Disney show.  Now, I'm not so sure.  I would definitely not call her a roll model.  I think she needs to be introduced to our wonderful member who likes to be known as the Tatooed Mormon.  I think she could tell her a thing or two about the life she is heading into. 

It's just so sad.  I'm sure Heavenly Father is up there shaking his head in sorrow - like he must feel like doing over all of us, huh?

sigh. 

Sometimes being the parent of the world must be the pits.

I can't begin to imagine.

Well...try to have a good one.  ;)  At least the weather has cooled off and we're headed into fall!!  Fun times!  ;)

Hippo Birdies...

And I guess I should honor the day and mention that my youngest turned 18 today... sigh.  No more babies...wait, I'm going to be a grandmother again in November...so I guess life has come full circle, huh?  lol
Hippo birdie, my son.  And many more...

Reality Check - Clean Your Room

I still can't believe it.

Jaden Smith (Credit: AP/Evan Agostini-as posted at SALON.com)

I have always been a fan of Will Smith.  I like his acting, his music for the most part (I'm not big on rap) and I was impressed at his marriage lasting in today's Hollywood climate.  I often wondered how they were raising their kids in such a wealthy and twisted world.  Well...now we know, sort of.

Apparently Jaden decided that school is for the dogs.  Well, what 15 year old doesn't usually feel that way - I mean, I don't think junior high is anyone's favorite memory, right?  Or even your sophomore year? Well, the end of the article quoted Will Smith as saying that the way parents treat children is kind of like slavery/property, and:
             "We respect our children the way we would respect any other person. Things like cleaning
               up their room. You would never tell a full-grown adult to clean their room, so we don't tell
               our kids to clean their rooms."

(Read more: http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/jaden-smith-if-everyone-dropped-out-of-school-society-would-be-more-intelligent-2013169#ixzz2fORnmn2J )

Okay.  Well.  I happen to disagree.  I guess we all have the right to our opinions, and since I've had seven kids, perhaps I might have a little more say than him, because they've had two.  Who knows.  It doesn't exactly make me an expert, but I might know a little.

I have adult children that live in my home.  They even pay rent.  But you know what?  Sometimes they are messy.  We've told them to clean it up.  It's a place where several people live, and private space or not, there is a certain level expected for civilized living.  I don't expect anything of them that I don't demand of myself, so I figure that's fair.

But besides that - how else does a child learn??  By example?  That only goes so far.  What kid wants to clean their room??  Some do, and that's cool.  But usually a parent has to remind them.  It's not what their world revolves around.  But the vast majority?  Hey, there's lots more to life than cleaning your room.  There is the great outdoors, sports, games, friends, food..."Ah, Mom!  You want me to clean my room?  Again?  But I just cleaned it last week..."  Believe it or not, I remember being on the other end of that.  I would resolve to keep my room cleaned this time!  It would be perfect!  And within a month, I'd be having to step over things.  Again.  sigh.  So reality sucks.  So does being a parent.  And being a parent means you teach your children what being responsible is about.

That means you might have to tell them some things they might not want to hear.  Like "You need to clean your room before mold starts growing on your socks."  Or, "You need to brush your teeth before they start falling out."  Or  "It's your turn to empty the garbage and you need to do it now before the dogs scatter it all over the house again."  Or "Turn off the lights when you leave the room or you won't have any power to your room next time the power bill is over $200."  How about "Put your dishes in the dishwasher when you're done or you'll have to wash all the dishes by hand for a week."  See, it's all responsibility and consequences.  

When kids move out on their own they'll discover that the dishes don't wash themselves, clothes don't magically wash and dry themselves, and rooms aren't self cleaning.  It's one of those facts of life that most kids learn before they reach 15.

Hate to tell ya, Jaden, you would hate to live in my house.  I don't have a housekeeper, cook, or butler.  You'd be on your own.  But my kids know how to cook, wash their own clothes, mow the lawn, and do the dishes.  They might not always like doing those things, and sometimes they have to be reminded on a couple of them, but for the most part?  They know it's part of living with other humans.  Period.

Guess money doesn't buy you everything, huh?

This Time 12 Years Ago...

I was sitting in the family room in front of the TV in stunned dismay.  My family gathered around me and no one saying a word.  The images on the TV being replayed and replayed, over and over made us cringe every time.

My youngest was turning 6 in a week.  My oldest were 14.  They remember hearing about it in school and coming home in confusion.  My husband had called me from work and said to turn on the TV, otherwise I wouldn't have known anything about it.  We have military in our family and it was a shock to realize that they were now going to be involved in fighting in a whole new way.

What saddens me most about the whole thing is that few people actually remember this day.  My daughter came home from work and said that her co-workers were wondering why the flag was at half mast.  She was like, really??  It's Patriot Day.  They were like, ohhh.

Really??

Somewhere we have messed up.  Somehow schools haven't kept important dates in the forefront of students minds.

We do so in our family, and perhaps that is the answer.  There aren't enough families keeping the spirit of our nation alive.  That's why we are struggling so with everything.

Sadly, the family is under attack, our faith is under attack, and our nation is under attack.  Continually.

We are using electricity, have food at our finger tips, have cars, gas to buy, and pretty much anything we really need.  And we have these things because of intelligence, inspiration and blessing.  And sweat and tears and blood.

 Our country began it's might through the determination of our civilian military.  Our country has continued through the gritty determination and guts of determined men and women.  Military, Doctors, Firefighters, EMT, Paramedics, and many others that usually end up getting the raw end of the deal.  Their pay scale is the lowest, their risk is the highest.  Go figure.

I hope that if you're reading this you remember what this day is and what it stands for.  I hope you know how important it is to remember it.

And Never Forget.

He Still Has What it Takes!

We were one of those fortunate to be able to attend the OC Tanner Gift of Music concert at the Conference center on Friday (or Saturday, as the case may be) starring James Taylor and it was SOOOO amazing!!

(photo from the LDS.org site)

We haven't been to a concert in a long time.  I think the last one we went to was Yanni for Valentines...oh, sooo long ago, lol.  And then we had amazing seats!  My hubby claimed it was all due to me, as we both put in for tickets and I was the one that got them.  ;)  But we were six rows back from the stage (still couldn't figure out why no one was seated there yet when we got to claim them) and we could see President Monson, President Uchdorf and Elder Holland!!  It was prime.  ;)

But the best, let me say, was James Taylor himself!

He is getting along in years, which is hard to take - that just means we're all getting older!  lol  But he could still play a mean guitar and sing just like the CDs in my car!!  sigh.  It was sooo much fun.

It was funny, before it started someone was way excited and yelled.  I teased the security guard that the Rednecks were in the building.  He said they weren't in his section!  lol 

He said something about this being a rock n roll concert, and everyone needed to have their lighters out.  I was like, what??  James Taylor isn't rock n roll, James Taylor is (well, at least in my mind) a Folk artist.  But whatever, it was great. 

And of course, so was the Utah Symphony.  Man.  And ALWAYS the Tab Choir.  sigh.  What can I say?  It was awesome.  And I expected everyone to start singing along with Shower the People, and not many did...what's up with that?? lol  Oh well.  I guess everyone wasn't quite as into the music as I was...  ;)

And my hubby bought me balloons!  We had dinner at the Nauvoo Cafe, which I didn't even know existed, and seemed kind of like a scaled down Zuppas...lol.  We had meant to just walk around for about an hour, and spotted the crowd already heading toward the conference center...so figured we'd better look into that.  It was a good thing we did, that's why we got such awesome seats - we were there an hour early, lol.  ;)

Totally worth it.  What a great night.  ;)

Why am I Fat? Good Question

Today's world is all about image.  If you haven't realized that, you need to look at a few magazine covers or watch a few commercials...ugh.

Being a Christian, the idea is something else.  It's what's on the inside, not the outside.  However- having grown up in this society, it's not always possible to get that through the brain.  Despite all we tell ourselves, we are still our own biggest enemy when it comes to image.

I have been heavy all my life.  When I was little, I used to tell my dad that I wanted to be a ballerina.  He would pat me on the head, and even bought me a shoe box one time - but he never had the heart to tell me I didn't have the body for it.  Everyone that loved me hid the idea that I was not skinny from me.  I didn't realize it until I was 12, really.  And my step-grandmother put me on a diet.  I was visiting my grandfather for a couple of weeks, and she about had a cow.

I weighed 132 pounds.

As I got older, I streamlined a little.  When I was 16, I had gained more, but not so much that I was a blob - just larger than the skinny girls.  I didn't have dates, didn't have a boyfriend (though I did have a couple of boys that tried) and I went through my teenage years reading my life away.

When I moved to Utah and discovered what a real family was like, food was part of the comfort.  Food has always been a comfort to me.  I'm not entirely sure why, but I have discovered that part of me is always worried of where my next meal is going to come from.  Needless to say I went through some tight times when I was younger, and it's still inside me...waiting.

I went on weight watchers, and lost 40 pounds.  I felt like a new person.  I was done with dieting, I never really did work out, and my personality did a 180...to the dark side.  I became some stranger that I still don't recognize or understand why...but that's what it was.  My sophomore year at college was a nightmare I am glad is totally over and gone...

The happiest time in my life was when I was living in Salt Lake with roommates...working out, working full time, living the single life.  I was waiting for Mr Wright to return from his mission, and trying to become my best self at the same time.

No dates...no real prospects even - but I wasn't too worried.  I knew Mr. Wright was out there, and that he'd hinted at having feelings for me.

When he came home and things clicked and we got married, life was perfect.  And I gained weight.  When I'm happy, I eat.  It's part of my pshyci...(however you spell that).  My hubby likes what I cook, so he gained weight too.  By the time I got pregnant with my twins, I had gained 30 pounds, and the doctor was worried about pregnancy issues.  She sent me to a dietician, and it worked excellent.  I lost 20 pounds before the twins even started gaining anything.  I lost everything I had gained with them in delivery...but then gained some after and also got pregnant right way...

So, needless to say, my life has been up and down with weight.  My heaviest was about 5 years ago.  I weighed over 300 pounds.  I felt awful, I couldn't do anything exertive, and my hubby was worried about my health.  I had already started doing Zumba, because I like to dance.  That was a wonderful thing for me!  Then I ended up going to a personal trainer.

She was the best!  Working with her I managed to loose almost 100 pounds!  The first time in over 10 years I weighed within site of 200.  It was sooo amazing!!

And then I hit a wall.  I have no idea why...I still don't, other than I'm in my 50's and have menopause...sigh.  My trainer was stumped too.  We went through another six months, and then she decided to quit and be a mom for her babies.  Totally cool! 

We hooked up with my niece.  She's been great too, but the weight stopped plateauing, it started going back up.

I haven't been on a scale for a while, and I'm afraid to.  The last time I got on one I'd gained 50 pounds back!!  I feel like I'm slowly bloating.  I've tried green smoothies, (which we love, and try to keep eating for breakfast), but they didn't help me loose anything.

I've tried protein drinks, but had to stop that because I was eating too much protein and hurting my kidneys.

sigh.

So, I'm still reviewing options.

But, I actually tried out for Biggest Looser this past spring.  It was a big step for me to do that, and I met some amazing women, but didn't make it.  Compared to some of the people, I was rather slim...and didn't have some tragic story.

I just finished a book by one of the contestants from season 8.  I don't watch the show, we don't really watch tv - but I used to see the updates on Yahoo of where they started, and how much they lost.  One of the winners inspired me to look at getting a personal trainer because she was in her late 40's.  I figured if she could do it, then it wasn't impossible to loose weight.

Anyway - I finished this book called Working it Out...by Abby Rike.  It's pretty cool, she sounds totally amazing, and I like that she's a religious person.  She's had a tough hardship to go through, and she's done well.  What really got me thinking though, is why I can't seem to get there.

What is it that keeps me fat??  I have pretty much given up refined sugar.  We don't eat much fat, but we do have real butter and olive oil and coconut oil in the house.  I love avocados...and dark chocolate.  We don't have any white flour, and I don't eat whole eggs anymore - give me whites!!! lol.  I love to experiment with cooking and making things low sugar and low fat...but I guess when it comes right down to it, I still just love to eat.

And my family likes what I cook.  Which only encourages me...lol

Well...I'm thinking it's time to start making some serious steps in my life.  My hubby has been soooo supportive of me in my various ventures and talents.  He is an amazing man, and has always been my Mr. Wright.

But I have to shift my thinking a little.  I know I need to work out every day.  I let life get in the way, and now that I've recognized that, I think it's time to get myself going.

anyway - I'm just venting and thinking out loud.  Not that I think anyone's going to really get anything out of this, but here ya go.  I'm looking at the mountain ahead of me, and trying to figure out the best way to get climbing.  I know one step at a time is always the best way...it's that first step.

Wish me luck.  ;)