Have you ever had a child (one in the midst of a trial so terrible they think there isn't anything worse) ask how could it get any worse?
We had that experience over the weekend. This child has made choices that has put them in the middle of a nightmare. There are many things that could be worse, but then again -- they could be lots better...
Then Sunday this same child called and decided to come clean...tell me all the things they had been trying to hide that they did wrong because they didn't feel good about lying about it anymore. Greeaaattt.... That makes me feel SO much better. NOT.
It's one of those moments where you know that they were probably mixed up in stuff that was going on, but were hoping with a mother's hope that they were smarter than that. Sigh. My hubby had suspected all along. My other children (the older ones) had suspected as well...but I had held onto the hope that my child wouldn't do something like that. The one that had lambasted the nonmember uncle when age 12 for smoking and didn't he know how terrible it was for you...yeah -- that one. (And no, this isn't just about smoking...;) )
I felt so naive, so -- stupid -- to have not seen it coming. My hubby told me that my hope was what made it bearable for him to try and have hope. While that was sweet of him, I still felt as if my feet had been knocked out from under me.
Yesterday I ended up pretty much doing nothing all day. My poor hubby didn't have that option, and tried studying his night school stuff while waiting to see if anyone needed him at a training meeting he was assigned to help. By the time dinner rolled around I was able to focus a little, and today is much better. I'm feeling a little back to normal, but I wonder if things will ever be the same. Our family will never be the same -- this will always be something in the back of our minds.
I think we need to go swimming and try and forget for a while. We just have to remember the sun block since a couple of them are still recovering from sun burns at the Young Adult trip last week. (Bear Lake is soooo known for that)
At least my wedding anniversary is tomorrow...a bright spot in the week.
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5 comments:
Ya, that gut punching, the breath has just been sucked out of the universe feeling. So the rest of the day is spent just trying to catch your breath.
I promise it gets better. There were times I felt like Alma the Elder and lamented the fact that the scriptures don't tell us how long it was that the church and Alma prayed for his son. But my son? The one that gave me that sucker punch? He is going through the temple Sat. afternoon.
Breathe and pray.
Oh Sandra!! That is sooo cool! You're going to spend the whole time crying, huh? grin. And yes, we do need to have a party!
Oh no! Children can really tear our hearts out. My love to you and your family. Hang in there! I was a crazy gothic punk and my husband was a bad bad naughty boy...but I joined the church and he went on a mission and we were married in the Temple. And now our children are driving us bonkers. =D
Hang in there. The Lord knows you and loves you. The Lord knows and loves your child. Hold tight to the Lord's hand as you walk over the firey coals of this Earthly trial, and He will lift you so you don't feel the burn. Or at least, you'll only feel as much as you need to feel for your own progression.
Isaiah 54:11-13
O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colours, and lay thy foundations with sapphires.
And I will make thy windows of agates, and thy gates of carbuncles, and all thy borders of pleasant stones.
And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children.
The Lord will comfort you, and your child will feel peace. Hang in there.
Thank you so much, Carrie, you don't know how much your support helps. ;)
Gaynell, happy anniversary today!
Hey, could you e-mail me?
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